Bonar Smash

Bonar Smash is about a character trying to find out why they are inconceivably strong, who eventually discovers they were the descendant of a barbarian.

Lyrics
I'm so very strong I'm a very strong man My work out consists Of crushing nails with my hand

I must have been conceived By some kind of a boulder Like a rock from Stone Henge Leaned up on the shoulder

Of the rock next to it And one thing lead to the next So basically I'm the product Of two rocks having sex

It's the only explanation For my formidable pecks I can crush a brick between them All I gotta do is flex

I'm built like a robot Out of rise of the machines But why? I don't know The secret lies in my genes

To help me concentrate I crush a can on my face And decide the time has come For me to finally trace

The branches of my family tree To its trunk in the past And at last explain This sweet, stone-chiselled ass

I surfed the net to find the Most efficient family tracker It racks up my relatives Lumberjacks and linebackers

I go back generations And hold my breath in suspense When I see my origin It all begins to make sense

I finally understand These genes I'm carrying Apparently I descended from Bonar The Barbarian

"Bonar smash!" He would allegedly say Before he headbutted Everything that got in his way

In the greatest of battles Bonar crushed his opposition Disfiguring his foes Beyond any recognition

Once he headbutted a tree And it set ablaze Though his eyebrows were singed He remained unphased

But enraged So he fucking headbutted the ground The earth started to shake And shit shifted around

Bonar voiced his opinion "Maybe that was bad idea" But the tectonic plates Already split up Pangaea

A volcano erupted Covering Bonar in ash It gone on his clean pants So he screamed "That's it!"

Bonar smash! Bonar smash! Bonar smash! Bonar smash!

No wonder I'm so strong It comes from within It's not my fault I'm related to a barbarian

With respect I go outside And smash a tree with my face And tree bark and flames going All over the place

But then some of the bark Instantly turned into ash And got on my clean pants So I screamed "That's it!"

Toby smash! Toby smash! Toby smash! Toby smash!

It's like I awakened Something dormant within Like the instinctual urge Of the barbarian

I'm crushing walls and plates Steel girders and crates Until this urge abates But it won't at this rate

'Cause I tipped over a table With a tray full of ash It got on my new shoes So I screamed "That's it!"

Toby smash! Toby smash! Toby smash! Bonar smash!