The Sideburns Song

"The Sideburns Song" is a song made by Toby Turner, Jack Douglass, and Sean Klitzner, collectively known as the "Sideburns Crew". The song is about how Toby adores his sideburns, even exaggerating that he wished for them as a newborn infant. The song (since its upload in June 2012) currently has 6.7 million hits, and the 10-hour version on Toby's side channel added an additional 645,000 hits.

MV Version
Sideburns, on the side of my face,

As my head turns, you can see they're in the same place.

On either sideburns, they can't be replaced.

My insides burn, when I think of the days before my...

My sideburns, look at my sideburns

Boy, don't touch my sideburns, why would you do that?

My heart yearns for my own sideburns.

''My side actually burns now, what is that? ''

What the hell man, why does my side burn?

''What the hell's going on? My side burns.''

Does anybody have some aloe vera?

If you do, bring it backstage, I'll pay you back.

1985, from the womb I came out on my birthday,

The doctor said, "What you crying about?"

I said, "Is that a rhetorical question, you know why I cried,

I have a serious lack of hair on the side of my head.''

Little baby people don't have sideburns,

They've gotta grow them when they're older.

But if your little baby already has sideburns,

That's awesome, don't be concerned!

Don't be concerned about your little bitty baby with the big big sideburns.

You should not be concerned about the little itty baby with the big big sideburns.

Your little baby's gonna be a pimp.

Your little baby's gonna be a little baby pimp.

You should probably discourage that kind of profession cuz it's illegal,

And your baby's too young to be concerned about starting a business,

But that's impressive if it has the mindset.

My sideburns, look at my sideburns.

Back on track talking talking 'bout sideburns!

My sideburns, look at my sideburns.

La-li-luh-luh-loo-loo sidebur-ur-ur-ur-ur-urns.

Sideburns...

Full Version
Sideburns, on the side of my face,

As my head turns, you can see they're in the same place.

On either sideburns, they can't be replaced.

My insides burn, when I think of the days before my...

My sideburns, look at my sideburns

Boy, don't touch my sideburns, why would you do that?

My heart yearns for my own sideburns.

''My side actually burns now, what is that? ''

What the hell man, why does my side burn?

''What the hell's going on? My side burns.''

Does anybody have some aloe vera?

If you do, bring it backstage, I'll pay you back.

1985, from the womb I came out on my birthday,

The doctor said, "What you crying about?"

I said, "Is that a rhetorical question, you know why I cried,

I have a serious lack of hair on the side of my head.''

Little baby people don't have sideburns,

They've gotta grow them when they're older.

But if your little baby already has sideburns,

That's awesome, don't be concerned!

(Instrumental Break)

Don't be concerned about your little bitty baby with the big big sideburns.

You should not be concerned about the little itty baby with the big big sideburns.

Your little baby's gonna be a pimp.

Your little baby's gonna be a little baby pimp.

You should probably discourage that kind of profession cuz it's illegal,

And your baby's too young to be concerned about starting a business,

But that's impressive if it has the mindset.

My sideburns, look at my sideburns.

Back on track talking talking 'bout sideburns!

My sideburns, look at my sideburns.

La-li-luh-luh-loo-loo sidebur-ur-ur-ur-ur-urns.

Sidebur-ur-ur-ur-ur-urns.

Sidebur-ur-ur-ur-ur-urns.

Sideburns...

Trivia

 * Jack Douglass and Sean Klitzner are both from their own YouTube channels: Jacksfilms and SeanKlitzner, respectively.
 * The man who plays the doctor in the song video is Toby's friend Gabe, better known as "Gabuscus".