The Fob Song

This is "The Fob Song", a track that Toby "Tobuscus" Turner did back in 2006, which was available at his old website, http://www.sexable.com/ (it now redirects to his new site). The website was called Swingin' D' Productions, or Swingin' Dick Productions. This song is also on Toby's iTunes, although I believe it's a different version (it's faster, and thus shorter). His old website did have more songs, but they are in no way available.

Lyrics
You walk through the parking lot Looking for your ride You ponder for a second How you gonna get inside?

You look at your keychain You notice several keys You reach for your handkerchief Because you have to sneeze

You throw down your hanky In the middle of the lot You don't need that shit Now it's filled with snot

Who cares? It's a handkerchief Those things are gross Use a Kleenex next time One that's not abrasive on your nose

You keep walking to Your well-parked ride You take off your jacket 'Cause it's hot outside

You lift up your keychain Because you're getting close You search for the thing That you need the most

It's a little black oval-shaped Button-studded clicker As you push the button It unlocks and lights flicker

(What's it called?) It's called a fob (I'm sorry, I didn't get you, what is it?) It's a motherfucking fob.

(Okay, no I still didn't...) It's called a fob (Could you enunciate please?) It's a motherfucking fob

(Sorry 'bout the confusion) (But I still don't understand) I just told you four times Just talk to the hand

(The marimba's too loud) (It's just confusing my ears) You're right, I'm sorry for snapping I should rap more clear

Let me spell it out It's my F O B It's a term that describes A remote control car key

Mine works fine Up to eighty fucking feet (That's about half way) (Down the motherfucking street)

I know (What's it called?) It's called a fob (Wait, what else does it do?) A bunch of shit

(Like what?) It's a motherfucking fob (No no, I said what does it do?) Where do I begin?

Car start, windows down So it don't get foggy My car alarm Will make your pants get soggy

Warning motherfucker You better get lost If you don't I'll fill you With cacogenic exhaust

It even got a button For taking down the top That shit lowers faster than Well, your mum

(That kind of offended me) (Could you please say sorry?) I'm sorry (I accept, now continue the story)

One button shoots flames Like an afterburner Sands* my name on the asphalt Toby Joe Turner

(That's pretty cool man) It's called a fob (Yeah man, that's... I know) It's a motherfucking fob

(Does it do anything else?) My my my my So much other stuff That made your escalade cry

My fob felt bad So it told your escalade, sorry It's got a button For going on a safari

That lifts up an armour-piecing Machine gun turret It shoots so loud That the aliens heard it

Their leader flew down In his UFO With a click of the fob I slapped him Just like one of ET's eight-fingered hoes

Which resulted in an Intergalactic war My fob laughed hard Just like it wanted some more

But then I dropped my fob Down into my Cola My fob died quick Like it caught Ebola

It's broke I broke my fob One button used to pull corn Off of the cob

Another button had Several ties with the mob Another got me hired And fired from my job

It was my fob I broke my fob I can't believe I broke my motherfucking fob

iTunes download link+video
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/the-fob-song-uncensored/id333781082